i seem to have misplaced my higher consciousness.

i went back through this strange journal of mine that i haven't written in in months and i was shocked. who have i become? it just struck me how i feel like an empty barrell getting carried down a river by the relentless current. could it possibly be true that i have not had a single meaningful thought in months?

some of the entries i had written in the past seem so profound and beautiful to me, like they were written by someone else a long time ago. it's as though i found an old leather bound diary full of simple truths while wandering around an abandoned house. i wrote them, this i am sure of, but most of the writings don't even make sense to me anymore.

i'm going to take a stab at shining light on my current condition: emotional stability and logical mentality, plagued by spiritual numbness and dreamless nights.

i found the yin to my yang this summer. he's a sagittarius, which is normally a no-no for a pisces, but it's worked so far. we're together now for seven months, we're in love, we talk about the future, we talk about moving in together, we talk about everything... that is everything besides the extraordinary. for as open as we are with each other emotionally, there is something missing in the spiritual department.

naturally, i never try to influence beliefs on spirituality or religion, i only like to talk about them comparitively. i've always felt that the world would be a lighter place if there were 6.5 billion unique belief systems. what one person feels may help me understand what i feel in a new way. free exchange of those ideas is so important but he doesn't take me seriously. for example, i speak of my cat like she is a guardian spirit, and he tells me not to be ridiculous, that she is an animal with the brain the size of a walnut with no concerns other than eating and using her litter box. i was quite disappointed so i apologized to her on his behalf because he is not awake enough to understand. he hasn't weakened my spirituality at all but he hasn't really allowed me to exercise it. but while i'm lacking in philosophical stimulation, i'm neck deep in comfort, affection, and great sex. it's a strange trade-off and it leaves me wanting to dive into contact with dangerous spiritual companions from my past. but my loyalty won't allow it. though i know i could never and would never cheat physically, for me intellectual intercource is a guilty pleasure and would be just as treacherous.

there's so much more but it's been so long since i've practiced open communication that i can't organize it my mind enough to let it out.

i'm planning on re-journaling some of my old entries when they are relavent. hopefully i'll be inspired to create some new ones that can rival their wisdom.

A warm hello to everyone who stumbles accross this little Xanga of mine. I've decided to give it a fresh start. Allow me to begin with a brief biography.

Name: TheSeventhSister
Confirmation Name: Scholastica, patron saint of academic pursuits
Place where I call Home: a crowded little town in New Jersey
Occupations: Certified Massage Therapist, florist clerk, acrobatics instructor, student
Hobbies: Reading philosophy, classic novels, satire, and theoretical science-- particularly on human consciousness and cosmology; blogging, writing auto-biographical fiction
Interests: Astrology, mythology, metaphysics- especially crystal energy; spirituality, ancient civilizations and tribal cultures
Goals: to eventually publish at least one full-length book, to live a life both simple and comfortable, to see the world, to one day raise a daughter, and to leave a positive mark on this world
Favorites: PET- my cat, Mischief, the princess of my castle; MUSICIAN/BANDS- Billy Corgan- Smashing Pumpkins, all 90's Rock, Classic Rock, Bob Marley, etc...; SONGS- Renegades of Funk by RATM, Hotel California by The Eagles and 7 by Prince; FICTION BOOK- Angels and Demons by Dan Brown; BOOK ON THEORY- The End of Time by Julian Barbour; MOVIES- Pootie Tang, Shawshank Redemption, Dogma (that's enough... i wanted this brief )
Fascinations: dreams, magic, imagination
Dislikes: war, violence, mental unrest, abrupt loud noises
Vice(s) and character flaws: my coffee habit, over-sleeping, anger-repression, and self-inflicted guilt... and mozzarella cheese
Positive qualities: I always have good intentions; i'm caring, imaginative, and creative; i'm on a never-ending quest for self-realization and betterment; and i'd like to think i'm pretty smart, too
Belief Structure: flexible, no solid beliefs- only wonder... as of now i feel a presense of a deity -a creative energy; i celebrate life, nature and the cosmic universe... AND FINALLY...

Words to live by: "Know thyself."

that's all for now... i hope to meet some interesting minds here on Xanga! i feel the best way to get to know oneself is to learn about others.

Have a great day everyone!